There’s a ridiculously silly dice game 12 of us play once a month called Bunco. However, it is more “affectionately” known as Drunco because of all the drinking that goes on. After over a year and a half of attending these get togethers, I went to my first one sober last night. I really didn’t know what I was going to do with myself.
I walked in a bit late, hoping that the initial socializing part would be over so that we could just get down to the business of rolling those dice, and I could avoid the alcohol temptations. But, there were the buckets of ice filled with white wine, the bottle of a pretty pink vodka, and all the half filled wine glasses dotted around the room… I headed straight for the food, thinking to myself, I will just keep myself busy eating. After I crammed as much food in as I could in about two minutes, I still felt naked without that glass in my hand, and headed to the unopened bottle of club soda. The soda sprayed all over me as I opened it, and I was thinking, ‘wow, this wouldn’t have happened if I had just poured myself a glass of wine’. My next thought was, ‘I’m making a mess, and I’m not even drunk!’ Ahhh…early sobriety.
What I found disturbing was how difficult it was to carry on a conversation with these gals sober. I know most of these women only through this group, and had probably never had a single sober conversation with a lot of them. It bothered me that I was not the social butterfly that I thought I was.
For the next two hours, I was painfully aware of how painfully aware I was. I counted every drink everyone had, noticed how much water they drank, or didn’t drink in between glasses of wine. No one got drunk. Was it always like this? Was I the only one who ever got drunk?? As soon as the last dice were tossed, and we counted our winnings…I was the first one out of there saying I needed to get home. I felt awkward. As I backed out of a 1/4 mile driveway, a smile started to spread across my face. I surely couldn’t have maneuvered this driveway if I had been drinking. I had made it, a night socializing without alcohol. When I checked facebook this morning, some of the gang had gone out to a local bar to continue the party. The last time they did this, I had joined them and hubby had to come get me from the bar, and the night ended in a blackout.
But this morning, I woke early, and was able to spend a half an hour with my older daughter (who recently moved back in due to a break up with her boyfriend) and was able to be present for her, and spend a little time chatting with her before she had to leave for work. I was able to go to the gym and have a great workout. At home this morning I was able to call a friend who’s mother had just died and lend her some support, I talked to another friend and was able to be fully present and compassionate as she told me about her sister who is suffering from cancer, and another call to my mom, and yet another to my younger daughter who graduates from college tomorrow. All of this I was able to do because I was not hung over. And, for this…I am grateful that I had a Bunco night, and not a Drunco night.